A Richard Brown Christmas
by Penningpastiche
Summary: It's Christmas time again, but not for Rick Castle. He's too busy pulling a Charlie Brown-he's unable to really get into the Christmas spirit, because the one thing he really wants he cannot have-Kate. Set mid Season 5. My first fic-review please!


Snow.

Rick Castle stood by the window and watched as fat flakes floated down and blanketed everything in silent white. The silence of the snow was in stark contrast to the voices and noise coming from behind him, the occasional burst of delicate laughter, the clinking of cocktail glasses. He was at a Christmas party hosted by Paula, doing his best to socialize and beef up his image for her society friends and clients. Except it was nearing ten and he was tired of making meaningless small talk and buttering up to people who only had their interests at heart. Thus, the window. Although he was surrounded by people, staring out at the city gave him an escape, even for a moment.

"Rick." The voice came from behind him, and a hand clamped on his elbow made him jump. He half-turned to see none other than the joyous hostess herself.

"Hey Paula."He smiled, but all she did was sip from the cocktail glass in her hand. "What?"

"Is there something wrong with you? Because you have gone almost twenty minutes without talking to a single guest, and the last fifteen of those minutes were spent staring out my window. Do you need more alcohol?" She said it without any caring in her voice. If anything, her tone was scornful. _Don't even try to explain. She doesn't get it. _

"Uh, no, Paula, I'm good." The _last_ thing he needed was more alcohol. "I'm just tired. Besides," he threw in a smile for effect. "I thought you wanted me to impress people."

She rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant, and you know it. Wake up. There are people in here that you need to look good for, and you are not doing it by watching the weather." With that, she walked away, putting on a smile and striking up a conversation with another agent friend of hers.

Rick ran his hand through his hair, and glanced one more time out the window. This wasn't the first year that Christmas was feeling weird. Here he was, at a Christmas party with music playing and cookies and a huge tree and it was snowing, but yet to him it just didn't feel like Christmas. It was his favorite holiday, and normally he got more into it than Alexis did. But not this year. It was like something was missing.

He popped a piece of peppermint bark into his mouth and tried to ignore the real reason why he wasn't feeling the Christmas spirit, what exactly was missing. The thought had popped into his head without prompting: _Kate._ He swallowed, and chased it with a sip of water, the peppermint aftertaste making the water feel like ice.

He hadn't seen her in almost two weeks, right after they had closed the case they had been working. Apparently murder was taking a break for Christmas too, since there hadn't been a single body drop since then. Every day he kept his phone on, kept it by his side, waiting to hear from her, but there was radio silence. Granted, he had mentioned something in the car right before they caught the guy that he was behind on the next Nikki Heat novel, but he never thought that was going to make her stop calling. He wanted to kick himself. And he didn't want to call her without some kind of reason. She was probably just giving him the space she thought he needed.

He drifted over to the next platter. Man, if you wanted, you could really stuff your face. Paula had pulled out all the stops for this one—probably to schmooze to her high-society friends and clients. Leaning against the wall by the buffet, he looked over the room. Most of the people here were important in the publishing world, coworkers and clients of Paula's, people she owed favors to and who owed favors to her. And it was all just so _petty_. He could almost smell the desperation that lay .

He ran his hand through his hair again, roughly this time. It was harder than he had anticipated being away from Kate, but then again he had never thought that they would be separated for this long, _and _two weeks was the longest they had been apart for a while. Every morning he wondered if a body was going to drop and his phone was going to ring, but it never did. He supposed he could call _her_, but then he would need a reason, and that he didn't have. Plus sitting around watching Beckett do paperwork wasn't as fun as shadowing her at a crime scene. Even he had to admit that, but right now he would've taken a week's worth of paperwork, if it meant getting to spend time with Kate.

Suddenly all the Christmas cheer felt like it was in his face. The lights seemed to get brighter, the smell of the food and cinnamon candles sharper in his nose, and the voices echoing in his ears. He wandered around the room trying to clear his head; he paused by the Christmas tree. Paula's apartment had huge ceilings, and this tree looked to be made for the space. It had to be at least ten feet tall, glowing from tip to trunk in white lights, and silver and red decorations. He looked at the nearest silver ball hanging from a branch, and saw his reflection. His hair was a little messed up from running his hand through it, but not horribly. It didn't look like he had bed head or anything.

He must've been more far gone than he had thought. Thinking about bed head at a Christmas party? What was wrong with him? He steeled himself to rejoin the conversations, turning, but he froze in his tracks when the music station on Paula's TV switched songs.

He recognized it instantly. _I don't want a lot for Christmas…._He clenched his jaw, plucking a glass of champagne off the nearest tray. He hadn't drank much that night, knowing that it wasn't proper way to get Kate off his mind, but this just wasn't fair. Was the world trying to torture him? Because if it was, it was doing a great job. _There is just one thing I need…._He wanted to clamp his hands over his ears and run screaming into the snow. Downing the last of the champagne, he set the glass down and looked at the time. It was just after ten, far enough into the party that he could leave without it looking bad. Whether or not Paula would allow him to leave was another story. _I could use Alexis as an excuse._ He thought with a smile. _Except Paula doesn't always get it when I have something with Alexis come up and I have to leave. She's complained to me about it before. It's worth a shot, though. I have to get out of here. _ He made his way across the room to where Paula was standing, waiting at a polite distance for her to finish her conversation.

"What is it, Rick?"

He put on his best smile. "Well, I just got a text from Alexis saying she needed me to come home, mostly because she was worried that I might not make it okay because of the snow. I, uh, probably should be there."

He noticed that she did her best to not roll her eyes. "Well, if you must. Tell her I said hello."

"Will do." He kissed her on the cheek. "It was a wonderful party, Paula."

She smiled. "Hm. See you later, Rick."

"Bye." Once he was in the elevator he sighed, looking up at the ceiling tiles. He hadn't thought it would be that easy to get out of the party, but it wasn't like he was going to complain about it. The happiness of freedom didn't last long, though. He was in a cab on the way home when he realized that he was going home to an almost empty house, empty at least of the person he really wanted there. He felt the loneliness come back. He really wanted to see Kate—really bad. His chest ached with the sudden wanting. _Get a hold of yourself, Rick._ He felt like a heartbroken, lovesick teenager. But he didn't want to get a hold of himself—he wanted Kate.

Walking in his door a few minutes later, he was hanging up his coat when he spotted the two boxes of Christmas decorations that they hadn't gotten around to hanging yet. He was pulling out his phone, smiling with his brilliant plan, before he knew it.

"Castle?" God, it was good to hear her voice again.

"Hey."

"What's up?" He heard the TV in the background get quiet.

"Well, I was kinda just calling to say hi, since I haven't seen you in a while." He paused, and she didn't say anything either. He wondered if his comment was a little too obvious. "Are you in the middle of something?"

"No, not really. I'm just sitting here in front of the TV with a glass of wine. Why?"  
>He erased images of her from his mind to focus on her question. "Well, why don't you bring that glass of wine over here? Or, well, kind of. I don't mean literally. I do have a really great bottle of wine sitting on my counter as we speak, begging to be opened."<p>

"You're inviting me over for a glass of wine?" He could read the subtext loud and clear.

"Yeah. No funny business, I swear. Just wine. I do, however, have a couple boxes of Christmas decorations that Alexis and I never had the chance to hang the other day, and decorating is no fun by myself."

"Where are Alexis and Martha?"

"Mother is off somewhere with her latest date, and Alexis is sleeping over at a friend's house, so I have the place to myself." He let a beat of silence settle in. "Please? We can watch a movie, decorate, whatever you want. I hate being here alone."

Kate could hear in his voice how much he wanted her to come over. It made her nervous, but she also really wanted to go. She had just been feeling a little isolated and alone sitting here in front of the TV, flipping channels. She took a deep breath. "All right, Castle. I'll be over there in a few."

"Yay!" She laughed at how much he sounded like a child. "See you soon."

He hung up his phone and nearly jumped up and down. He had hoped that she would say yes. It was getting easier and easier to get her over here lately, but factoring in the late (ish) hour and the fact that they hadn't spoken in a couple weeks had made him uncertain. Uncertainty that was clearly unwarranted.

Before he knew it his buzzer was sounding, and he had to stop himself from running to the door. "Hey, Kate."

She smiled. "Hey." As he shut the door, he noticed she was gazing around the room, taking in all the Christmas decorations. "Wow. When you said Christmas was your favorite holiday, you weren't kidding. You went all out."

"Oh, come on, Detective. When have you known me to do anything in a small way?" He joked as he opened the bottle of wine.

She smiled and slid onto a barstool. "I suppose you're right. Thank you." She took the glass of wine he handed her, and sipped it. He did the same, watching her over the edge of his glass. He had put on some Christmas music before she had arrived, and it was the only sound for a while. At first, he kept trying to think of something to say, but then he let go and just enjoyed the silent companionship of being with Kate. He was feeling so much happier after even just talking to her on the phone. He snuck another glance at her, and was startled to see that she was already looking at him. His heart rate quickened as they steadily held the other's gaze for a long minute. She broke it by looking down to take a sip of wine.

"So what were you saying about some neglected Christmas decorations?"She asked suddenly.

"Ah, yes." He walked around from behind the counter and over to the two bins of decorations sitting by the couch. Kate followed him, sitting down beside him. Setting his wine on the coffee table, he opened the closest one and rifled through it a little. "This one is the garland we always put on the banister and a couple of other random places. This one," he reached for the other bin, "is some stuff for the surfaces and whatever other decorations we want to hang. Some of the garland goes over the windows, too. We did the tree a couple of days ago, but ran out of time to do the rest." She didn't say anything, and when he looked at her he saw she was gazing at the tree. He had turned the lights on when he got home, and the white lights twinkled around the ornaments and threw a glow throughout the room. Setting her wine down next to his, she stood up and went over to it.

"I haven't had a tree in a long time." She said absently to the tree as he came up behind her. She reached out to touch an ornament. "My favorite part of decorating was always the tree. We had some of the most ridiculous ornaments. My mom's favorite was the one that I made way back in first grade, some thing made out of cardboard, glitter, and pipe cleaners. I always told her that it didn't mean anything to me and every year it would shed something, but she would never let it go. And she always hung it right at eye level, so everyone who came to visit would see it." He saw a tiny smile ghost across her face, but her eyes were sad. He gently placed a hand on her back. He knew how hard the holidays were for her, how neither she nor her dad had really celebrated since Johanna's death. But he wanted to make it up to her.

"You wanna give me a hand with this garland?" He walked back to the bin, flexing his fingers as they missed the touch of her back. He took a deep breath and looked at her. She smiled, and bridged the distance between them.

"Sure." They gathered the garland up in their hands and walked together over to the banister. "How do you usually do this?"

He set it down on the floor, stretching and straightening it out. "Well, we usually just loop it around or drape it or something. Normally Alexis always tells me what to do with it."

"Or something?" She smiled. "I'm surprised you don't have an exact science do-it-this-way-or-die kind of deal."

He laughed. "I do. I have the exact science of do-whatever-you-feel-like-and-hopefully-it-turns-out-good. That's my philosophy." He took one end of the garland and looped it so it was easier to hold, and then walked halfway up the stairs. "You want to start wrapping it from down there?" He asked.

"Sure." He watched her as she nimbly wrapped the garland around the railing. The lights from the tree were glinting on her hair, and she was doing that thing where her brow furrowed as she worked. She was concentrating hard enough that she didn't notice he was staring until she stepped closer to him on the stairs. Her busy hands paused for a minute as she registered his gaze; light was reflecting in her eyes and he thought he was going to drown in them. He was starting to feel the wine in his blood, though he'd only had a little. It was amazing how she seemed to have that effect on him. He shook himself out of it, putting his attention back on the garland even though he would be content to stare into her eyes all night. As he tucked the final piece into place he snuck a look at her again; she had her head down, and even though her hair had fallen forward he could see that her cheeks had a slight pink flush to them.

"So what's next?" She asked.

"Well, I have a couple of bows that go on the garland. They're in the bin. I'll go get them." He squeezed past her on the stairs, wanting to touch her and yet not daring. He did notice that she flattened herself against the railing as he passed. And though he tried not to, he caught a whiff of that enchanting cherry smell that seemed to take joy in taunting him. He swallowed as he collected the three bows from the box.

"Here you go." He handed her one of them. "That one goes up at the top."

She nodded and took it from him. He couldn't help but watch her as she wrapped the wire that held the bow together around the garland. Her face was solemn, and while she didn't seem detached, it was obvious there was something spinning in that pretty head of hers.

After they finished the bows, Castle went back over to the coffee table to get his wineglass. He watched Kate as she crossed the room to do the same. She sipped it, looking everywhere but at him.

"Your place looks really good, Castle. Very festive."

He smiled. "Well, there's still a few more things to put up if you're up for it. I know it's getting a little late."

She spun. "What time is it?"

"Just a little after eleven."

She started chewing on her lip, and he mentally kicked himself for potentially giving her a way out. He wanted her to stay. Though he had known it would be, hanging Christmas decorations with Kate had felt so…domestic, and homey, and he didn't want the night to ever end. He wanted her to _stay._

"Well…" _Please don't go._ He could see in her eyes that she didn't exactly want to leave, either. He nearly danced when she said, "I guess I can stay for a little while longer."

"Yay!" He dug into the other bin of decorations, pulling out the little Christmas village that always went on the dresser that sat under the windows.

"My God, Rick, I can't believe you have a Christmas village. Then again, I can totally believe that you have a Christmas village." A little thrill went up his spine at the sound of his first name coming from her lips. He straightened and smiled, handing her a gazebo and a little general store. He pulled out the white fluffy cotton batting that went down on the table as the "snow" and laid it out, and weighed it down with a couple of buildings. Together they set out the entire box of buildings and arranged a little town out of them. It had an ice rink, a horse-drawn sleigh, and some carolers, among the buildings and houses. Kate was sitting on the couch looking at their handiwork when he reached behind the dresser and flipped a switch, lighting up the little houses' windows. He turned back to see Kate smiling.

He wasn't sure what to say, so he just stepped back to sit beside her and admire the village. Well, she was admiring the village. Sitting so close to her, he could smell that enchanting cherry smell again. He let himself sniff deep and leaned back against the cushions, watching the way a piece of her hair curled over her ear. Without even thinking he reached over and brushed it away.

At his touch she spun around. Her eyes locked onto his, a deeper shade of dark hazel than he had ever seen. Without even realizing it, he had kept his fingers on her hair, but she didn't move away. Instead she moved closer, and the shift buried his hand further in her hair. And it was so, so soft.

"Kate…" He whispered, although he had no idea what he was going to say. She just looked at him with those wide eyes, and he felt himself coming unglued under their steady gaze. That was what he marveled about her tonight—she wasn't breaking off. He felt like he was swimming, trapped underwater. This close, her smell was all he noticed, and it was intoxicating. Their faces were only inches apart; their noses bumped suddenly, but neither flinched. When their lips finally met, Rick could hardly believe it.

The kiss was short and sweet, their foreheads resting together after they separated. Somehow she had ended up in his arms; pulling away, she settled against his chest and he rested his cheek on the top of her head. She slipped her arms around his waist, and he had to pause to make sure it was real. He could feel her heart going a mile a minute, and he was sure his was doing the same.

"Merry Christmas, Rick." He heard her whisper. He looked down to see that her eyes were closed.

"Merry Christmas, Kate." He didn't feel cheerless anymore. The Christmas feeling was right back where it belonged. His evening had started out with a mind-numbing party and loneliness, but sitting here in his living room holding Kate in his arms, he felt a thousand times better. No more Charlie Brown for him. As if to bring the parallel full circle, just as he closed his eyes against her hair "Hark The Herald Angels Sing" came on the radio, and Rick smiled. What a Christmas it was going to be.


End file.
